a BITS Inspector creation

The ABRIGD –

A Gibberish Dictionary

Also by The BITS Inspector

A Bisi Day!

The Abridged ABRIGD

 

 

 

 

The ABRIGD

Copyright © 2017 The BITS Inspector TM

All rights reserved

For information about gaining rights to reproduce any excerpts from this work, write to copyright@bitsi-lite-publishing.co.uk

The BITS Inspector® is a UK registered trademark

Published by Bitsi-Lite Publishing

Edited by LHS
Book design by DW
Cover Design by BEF
Production manager HAG

ISBN 978-87-93696-11-2

For information about bulk-purchase discounts for books published by Bitsi-Lite-Publishing, contact sellbig@bitsi-lite-publishing.co.uk

I wish to pay my respects

To all those business and IT professionals who do truly attempt to improve the QUA-BITS and focus on giving your best to your employers and your respective industries above and beyond: Your efforts are duly noted and highly respected.

An important note to you all: A little tomfoolery can go a long way in easing the stress of the day. All this Gibberish is a play on words, most certainly not on your hearts.

Respectfully, 
The BITS Inspector ®

Thanks to friends and colleagues

My very special thanks go to MN, BD, GZ, MRH, RD, JBK, JN, TB, BEF, LHS, DW, RM, and many others. All the assistance I received from you helped me to stay sane, to protect me from the Gibberish, and provided quality input that hopefully made it into the end-result.

Warmly,
Bitsi

To my wife and children

And last, but most certainly first, I wish to express my unbounded gratitude, my undying love, my unconditional commitment, and my unequaled joy in my wife and children. It is because of you and for you that I started down this long, hard road, hoping to say something that may mean something, one day.

With all my love, 
Your husband and father

Introduction

The name of this volume, The ABRIGD, is short for The Abridged Gibberish Dictionary. Entries in this ABRIGD serve only a limited purpose, as explained in the first CMA note below.

The following chapter of this publication attempts to set the context and briefly explain what all this Gibberish is about.

The BITS Inspector has plans for a more comprehensive version, and indeed it’s in the making, but unfortunately, The Unabridged ABRIGD has suffered at the hands of The ABRIGD, and The Abridged ABRIGD, both of which have priority when it comes to keeping pace with the never-ending flow of newly dreamed-up Gibberish.

First, a few general CMA notes of potential yet unlikely importance.

Note: This publication doesn’t provide a comprehensive definition of the Gibberish language. The purpose is to cover only the key, and the most confusing of Gibberish terms that someone might come across, for example, when fighting with BITS, or indeed, with a BITS-Pro, but more specifically, when reading a BITS Inspector novel.

Note: No Gibberish words or terms that derive directly from the English base language are covered in The ABRIGD. For a definition of these terms and words, refer either to a version of the all-inclusive, full-service Exhausting Gibberish—The Dictionary, or any other works of Gibberish, of which there are many. Otherwise, simply fall back on any English dictionary: These are both renowned and greatly favored for their clarity, reliability, and blatantly obvious lack of Gibberish.

Note: The title Exhausting Gibberish should have read Exhaustive Gibberish, but some disgruntled employee following a serious argument with his boss about the questionable supposed benefits offered by utter(ing) Gibberish, made a “typo” when editing the work. Many others accidentally missed the “typo” when preparing the work for final publication.

Note: The ABRIGD is generally accepted as providing the most accurate definition of those Gibberish words it contains and is, as such, the de facto standard. All other works of Gibberish are well known to be at best, unreliable, and at worst, complete gibberish. Having said that, the Exhausting Gibberish dictionary still holds the formal definition of Gibberish words and terms, even if it is more gibberish than Gibberish.

If you’re caught quoting words or terms from The ABRIGD stating or implying that they’re from the more Exhausting Gibberish, the BBBs could charge you with the offense of abusive Gibberish, which, of course, is outright mumbo jumbo, but, nevertheless a real high-cost risk.

Note: This edition of The ABRIGD is still incomplete and has been for decades since it requires frightening levels of effort and dedication to keep up with the daily influx of masses of proposed new Gibberish, all of which need review and either approval or rejection, the latter usually being the most obvious choice. Furthermore, it’s extremely hard to find reliable personnel these days, and those precious few people who do actually have the required quality BITS core skills don’t want to waste their valuable time on Gibberish.

Now, some tips on when and/or how to read or use, or not, The ABRIGD:

  1. If you find yourself up to the neck in busted BITS, then this ABRIGD will not help you in the slightest. Anything in this ABRIGD that might attempt to describe how a person is to interpret BITS, or what that person is supposed do with BITS, even if it’s correct, will have absolutely no bearing on what he or she will encounter when dealing with your average real-world mangled BITS.
  2. If you find yourself stuck in the middle of a conversation that you cannot get out of, and things seem to be moving desperately in the wrong direction, with someone screaming blue-bloody Gibberish at you, then don’t even think about picking up this ABRIGD, unless you have the hardback extended version and you plan to… Ahem!
  3. It’s best to just leave this ABRIGD on a shelf in the bathroom, close to the toilet. So, if one day you’re having trouble with a MAD-ONNA MAGIC CRAPPING, then go and sit on the toilet, pick up The ABRIGD, choose any random word, study it carefully and try to make sense of the Gibberish. This will utterly and completely take your mind off everything else. In no time at all, MAGIC will happen, and you’ll succeed in dumping your problem right where it belongs.

As a bonus, should you happen to have run out of toilet paper, and you’ve laid out the extra CASH for the soup-ah-deluxe velvety paged version of this ABRIGD, well, if you need any further explanation, then please contact us at the address below. You could be a perfect candidate: https://bitsi.world/Contribute.

An Abridged History of Gibberish

Gibberish, the Creation
I remember it vividly. It was the year 2022. It started very well, then in the autumn, all hell broke loose: The BBBs made an announcement in Gibberish.

Early in the year, the BBBs followed through on the alcohol-induced promises they made during an unprecedented holiday get-together and met to discuss a joint venture: To create a new language, WOWI.

This is, of course, the universally used language we all know and are stuck with today, Gibberish. The formal creation of Gibberish represents the only known example of the most powerful three players in the IT/BITS industry more or less successfully cooperating. After many months of hefty negotiations on legalities and royalties, the whole deal almost fell apart because they couldn’t agree on a name. The argument escalated until one of the three stood up during their final meeting and, in disgust, yelled, “You’re spewing out nothing but gibberish, man!”

Absolute silence replaced the noisy, ugly debate while all three with open mouths looked from one to the other and back again. Sour, downturned lips lifted to meet now brightly shining eyes full of DOLLY signs and unworthy tears of glory.

“Absolutely brilliant!”
“It’s so simple we all overlooked it. Well done that, man!”
“It fits perfectly. It’s all Gibberish to me anyway!”

Breaking out in raucous laughter and clapping each other on the backs, they pop the cork, sign the pact, and follow through with a toast, or two, or three. Memos go out to PAs, effectively stealing the concept of white smoke following the joyful conclusion of a Vatican election, and the deal is not only signed but also public. Gibberish was then forced onto the world through many underhanded mega-multi-billion DOLLY deals, and more toasts, and was here to stay. It’s amazing how profitable a universal language can be—for the elite few.

Exhausting Gibberish, the Dictionary
In the afternoon, just after tea time on the eighty-ninth day of the second quarter of the year 2023, the creation of the new Gibberish dictionary was completed. It was one quarter later than planned and twenty-five times more expensive than budgeted. Between the time of the Gibberish announcement and the release of the dictionary, nobody knew which words to use, or how to say stuff and everybody was utterly confused, so everyone simply spoke gibberish. Many BITS suffered, and MAD-NESS ruled.

But now that people could look up the meaning of Gibberish, slowly some order formed from the chaos. Many butterflies suffered. But, no matter how you looked at it, everything still sounded like Gibberish.

The ABRIGD
The exact date of the creation of The ABRIGD is unclear: All initial copies were issued informally (and without dates) to avoid the expected onslaught from the BBBs who would try to protect their profits. The estimated date is 2047 give-or-take a decade, or two.
The ABRIGD is the response to billions of people screaming, “God save us from all this Gibberish.” In no time at all, The ABRIGD became the dictionary to use. Almost everyone dropped the more Exhausting Gibberish dictionary, and they’d mock you if you were seen holding one.

The Abridged ABRIGD
In 2114 The BITS Inspector decided to write his memoirs in the form of novels, but did not want to fill them with Gibberish, so he produced a slimmed-down version of the insane language. The Abridged ABRIGD can be used when reading Bitsi’s novels—the dictionary is fined-tuned for this purpose.

The Unabridged ABRIGD
There are many words and terms and many more interpretations not mentioned in The ABRIGD. The plan is to let The Unabridged ABRIGD address these omissions, but as usual, the planning sucks.

Once it’s finished, however, all expectations lead one to believe that the title will be The Unabridged ABRIGD—Unlimited, Uncensored Gibberish.

The ABRIGD – The Gibberish Dictionary

(The) ABRIGD

[pr. as in English: abridged]
[origin: Not long after the introduction of Gibberish as the one and only spoken language WOWI, many considered it necessary to both reduce the Gibberish to manageable levels and to focus where possible the defined Gibberish words and terms to those related to the BITS industry, which is where the main motivation for Gibberish arose in the first place. The ABRIGD is the result of the efforts to achieve these objectives.
A large group of people participates in a movement that is secretly known as “GODS-AVEUS” and is dedicated to contributing to The ABRIGD to ensure its quality and the sanity of its readers, with, of course, the disclaimer that any reader who was already constantly yelling insane gibberish before picking up The ABRIGD will not be guaranteed healing.]

1. The Abridged Gibberish Dictionary. The concise, if not incomplete, nevertheless de facto standard Gibberish dictionary.

A-Hack pl. A-Hacks

[pr. uh-hack]
[origin: The BITS industry]

1. Cyber-attack.
2. A break in to a soft-BITS program, confuzer, file, etc.
3. An illicit modification to a soft-BITS program made with less-than-positive intentions.

ANALPRIDC

[pr. anal-prid-dick]
[origin: In the good old days when IT and software were less abundant, and the ability to create a software program was a highly respected craft or indeed gift, the better programmers were often elevated, usually by themselves, to a status that must have been close to demigod; the name used on the street was prima donna. This semi-demigod name was slipped in between words in programmer-related job titles. ]

1. Analyst Prima-Donna Coder.
2. Software programmer.

BACK-END

[pr. as in English: back end]
[origin: Sound software architecture historically required that a system be designed so that the visual part of the system, known then as the front-end, could be built and run separately from the logic-processing part of the system, known as the back-end.
The well-known expression “garbage in, garbage out,” which should have served as a precautionary warning, turned out to be an accurate prediction in most cases, because many back-ends produced loads of crap. One Gibberish language expert happened upon the distant but obvious connection between back-end, garbage, and rear end, and decided to promote the back-end term to a formal Gibberish word.]

1. The heart of a BITS (or IT) system.

Note: One does not see this; one is only aware that it must be there, out there, somewhere, we suppose.

BBB

[pr. me-me-me – only replacing the m with a b, be-be-be]
[origin: This one was introduced by the three big bosses who invented Gibberish and sold it, or rather forced it, upon the world. But, they weren’t expecting the addition of any other than the original meaning of the word.]

1. (The) Big Business Bosses.
2. (The) Big Bad Bosses.

(the) Beast

[pr. as in English]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. The name of Bitsi’s confuzer, the most powerful (collection of) confuzer(s) WOWI.

BEDPAN

[pr. as in English: bed pan]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Behavioral Description—Pattern Analysis. The name of a digital report used for analyzing behavior, usually that of criminals.

BIG-AM-I

[pr. as in English: big am I]
[origin: One of the original overly arrogant owners of the MOTHER of BIG-AM-I, but which one of them has never been established. Popular opinion has it that it could have been any one of a number of the owners and that the company should have been called BIG-ARE-WE, but it’s also agreed that this would not have offered any relief to those who suffered at the heavy hands of the organizational giant.]

1. Bipolar Innovations, Generator of Amazingly Magnificent Inventions, an extremely large organization.

Bio-Feelers

[pr. as in English]
[origin: An eminent scientist in the field of bio-technological medicine and healing]

1. Mega-microscopic bio-electronic equipment used in scientific, medical, and Bitsi technology.

BITS

[pr. as in English bits]
[origin: Just about anywhere and everywhere]

1. Business Information Technology (IT) System(s).
2. Bits and pieces of software or hardware (small, big, huge, or soup-ah huge!).
3. Just about anything and everything under the sun that could be described as a bit, or indeed, multiple bits.
4. Information Technology (IT)

55.5. Biological Intelligence’s Technological Successor (artificial intelligence or interference, depending on how you feel about it).

111. Brutish, Incredibly Terrifying Situation, that can shake up a person’s world, shattering it into gazillions of bits.

(The) BITS Inspector

[pr. as in English]
[origin: Lord-IT]

1.  The most powerful businessman known to humankind.

BITS-Pro

[pr. bits-pr-oh]
[origin: Unclear and unimportant as the term itself is nothing more than a misleading, meaningless indicator of a person’s work lying in BITS. This term was carried over from the original, slightly altered, of course, when Gibberish rehashed IT to BITS.]

1. BITS professional. Someone who works in the BITS industry.
2. IT professional. Someone who works in the IT industry. (This is an outdated term.)

Note: The use of the word professional simply refers to profession and, by no means implies or guarantees that anyone who, often accidentally, at any time during a career ever fell into the category of BITS-Pro, indeed, acted as a professional. In fact, the means for measuring professionalism within the BITS industry is more often than not quite subjective, resulting in a quantification which is inherently usually quite subjective, and therefore, mostly quite far from the truth.

Usually, just one person or a few other people pass judgment on the level of professionalism of a given individual at a given time, and this is subject to circumstances such as: The previous evening, did the judge(s) have to stay at home and cook their own dinners? Do they like cooking? Or did they go out for a great meal with great company? Or to take in a movie with oodles of popcorn and drinks? Was it a good movie or a waste of an evening? Did they get lucky or go to bed dejected? Did they consume too much alcohol while doing whatever it was they were doing? Did they wake up this morning with a hangover, hungry, frustrated, and late for work and, subsequently, in a rush to get ready for the office, slip on the soap in the shower putting a huge bruise on an over-sized derriere that made them wince throughout the day, and think about the previous evening every time they shifted in their plush office seating to the other buttock?

The measure of professionalism is, unfortunately, unquestionably, highly unreliable. While the same could probably be said of many other professions, this Gibberish is about the BITS industry and doesn’t venture, therefore, to compare with other professions.

BITS-SECS

[pr. as in English bit-sex]
[origin: Lord-IT]

1. Bitsi’s Security Squad.
2. Lord-IT’s Security Squad.
3. BITS Security Squad, an investigative team that carries out its work largely in the field, in other words, field agent.

Note: The BITS-SECS organization has more authority than any other national or international security office, with the exception, of course, of the BITS-SITTERs. The World Council sanctions the BITS-SECS’ power.

BITS-SITTER

[pr. as in English bit-sitter]
[origin: Lord-IT]

1. Bitsi’s auditors.
2. Lord-IT’s auditors.
3. BITS auditors, an investigative team that carries out its work solely from behind a computer, in other words, non-field agent.

Note: The BITS-SITTER organization has more authority than any other national or international security office, with the exception, of course, of BITS-SECS. The World Council sanctions the BITS-SITTER’s power.

Bitsi

[pr. as in English bit-see]
[origin: Lord-IT]

1. The BITS Inspector.

Bitsi-FREQ pl. Bitsi-FREQs

[pr. as in English bit-see-freak]
[origin: The BITS Inspector, as part of his Bitsi-Lite technology]

1. Bitsi-Lite transmission frequencies, similar to radio waves, only much more advanced.

Bitsi-Lite

[pr. as in English bit-see-light]
[origin: The BITS Inspector, as part of his Bitsi-Lite technology]

1. Bitsi’s satellite technology.
2. Bitsi’s satellite-farm, the single biggest satellite farm in space today.
3. Satellite.

Bitsi-Lites the Skies

[pr. as in English bit-see-lights-the-skies]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Second largest company WOWI, owned by Bitsi.

Bitsi-Tone

[pr. as in English bit-see-tone]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. The infamous tone of the BITS Inspector when he’s angry and is just about to do something to you that either he, or you, would regret if he were actually to do it, which he probably won’t because he is too soft-hearted.

Note: Bitsi-Tone is renowned for being colder than ice, harder than diamonds, not loud but far from quiet, and delivered suddenly, with the force of a raging tornado. Bitsi-Tone by nature implies a warning that people should not ignore and is the scariest sound any BITS professional is ever likely to hear in the office. When someone hears that tone of voice, it’s time to tread with the utmost of care, time to think hard but not too long before speaking. It’s best not to respond incorrectly because the thing that his soft heart won’t allow him to do is only marginally worse than what he’ll actually do.

BOJ-OB

[pr. bodge-ob, commonly spoken as bodge job]
[origin: From the consolidation of a conglomeration of job titles over the centuries from the IT and BITS industry that all intended, yet failed, to mean something]

1. Business Officer & Judiciary of Online Business, senior director responsible for a given area of business.

BRITCHIS

[pr. as in English: britches]
[origin: On a drunken night out, some NETNERDs came to the point of comparing a firewall, which protects against the penetration of networks and related BITS, to a chastity belt that protects against the penetration of anything hidden inside the britches that it surrounds. They sent the new name “BRITCHIS” into the Gibberish review board, and an older virgin woman, who was, at the time, seriously considering dramatic changes to her lifestyle and found the coincidence of things rather ironic, picked it up, and so in a fit of unsuspecting humorous goodwill, she approved the entry as outstanding Gibberish.]

1. Firewall.
2. Barrier Repelling Intruders, Technologically Categorized as Highly Impenetrable and Secure.

CASH

[pr. as in English]
[origin: When the biggest WINCCCERs in the world got together and raised the motion to ban all forms of credit, they also proposed the new-naming of many words related to money or contracts that represented and/or could result in money, with an extra-special focus on those terms related to credit arrangements or debt.]

1. Cash or money.
2. Any form of financial currency or contract involving cash or money, e.g., investment, bond, dolly-notes, etc.
3. Collectible Assets, Security (or Savings) Historically.
4. Corrupt Ascertainment of Someone’s Hourly wage.

CASH-COW

[pr. as in English]
[origin: BIG-AM-I.]

1. BIG-AM-I’s BITS (or system) for receiving or collecting payments, or CASH.

CASH-PILE

[pr. as in English]
[origin: BIG-AM-I.]

1. A bank owned by BIG-AM-I.

CCIO

[pr. si-si-yo]
[origin: Contributed by the most revered, and feared BOJ-OB of BIG-AM-I whose reign lasted for forty-one years until he retired at the ripe age of seventy-six. He never succumbed to the pleasures of the Fruit because his wife, his only source of true joy throughout his life, died just a few years before the Fruit was released into the world, and he couldn’t imagine living for an unlimited amount of time without her.

Twenty years after retirement, he died a happy man both knowing that he was off to warmer pastures to rejoin his (also notorious) wife, and having sneaked in his own special contribution to the Gibberish that had recently replaced common sense in the world at large. “And why not contribute?” he questioned one Gibberish official. Throughout his entire working-life, the BOJ-OB had never had a Sissy who could truly satisfy him. “Disappointments, every last one of them,” he’s reported to have said.]

1. Chief Communication and Information Officer.

Note: Formerly known as CIO.

CCOTCHA

[pr. as in English gotcha, by those in-the-know, and cot-cha by everyone else]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Covert Communication Transmission Channel, a cranially implanted mega-microscopic secret communication device. A brain-wired, walkie-talkie-with-video.

CHABLIS

[pr. as in English (and French), the name of the wine]
[origin: The BITS Industry]

1. List of all changes to production (or live) software systems.
2. Changes to BITS list.

Note: These are changes made when a system is installed, (re)configured, or deployed into production as opposed to changes in the software (or program code).

CHOPPA

[pr. as in English chopper]

1. Nuke-Li-Aerially-powered flying vehicle, a cross between an ancient Harley and a soup-ah-sonic jet.

Note: The specs state that the average passenger capacity of the CHOPPA is 2.5 people.

CLIMACCSSS

[pr.as in English climax]
[origin: The BITS industry]

1. Communications matrix.
2. Contacts list.
3. Comprehensive List of Involved, for Meaningful Assessment and Communication Concerning Severely Shocking Situations.
4. Counter-productive List of Idiots and Misfits that Accidentally Contribute to the Carnage of Stupidly Smashed Systems.

CLOGS

[pr. as in English]
[origin: Holland]

1. Collated LOG Statements.
2. System logs.
3. Wooden shoes that usually end up stinking to high heaven from the inside and outside because they’re usually worn for many years before being thrown out, are rarely (properly) washed, and are often used when doing jobs where one is usually up to the elbows in feces (or muck) of one flavor or another.

CMA

[pr. c-m-a]
[origin: This is an age-old term both spoken and practiced by bull-shitters, liars, and generally incompetent idiots for thousands of years. This term really belongs, for example, in a “Gibberish—Lessons Learned” study, or a “How Not to Gibberish” guideline, but unfortunately these do not exist because everyone that ever attempted such creations gave up with a blank/empty page in front of them, unable to decide where to start first.]

1. Cover My Ass.

COCKS

[pr. as in English: cock-s]
[origin: BIG-AM-I]

1. Cox, the CCIO of BIG-AM-I.
2. Cox’s Offensive for Cooking up Killer Services, as in really great, useful, exciting but definitely not deadly services.

Come-again

[pr. as in English]
[origin: The BITS Inspector. The name reflects the fact that most people participating in web-video conferences usually avoid exposing what would otherwise in a face-to-face meeting be interpreted as a totally blank expression, indicating an absolute lack of understanding, or worse, idiocy, or stupidity. This happens when uttering a question such as “I beg your pardon?” or, “Come again?” thus also forcing the speaker to repeat what was said and giving the receiver time to browse the wwoopsi-net, desperately hoping to find hints of intelligent responses.]

1. “Come again?” the name of Bitsi’s second-favorite space-pad, the one he mostly uses for controlling his O-WE-COME meetings.

COMMINGS

[pr. cum-ing-s]
[origin: This was a (long ago) tactically designed New Name, inspired by the fact that so many so-called BITS-Pros get overexcited by getting off the hook easily by riding the promotion-waves of disasters, which usually are the results of coincidences. In other words, getting promoted without having to do much for it, which was compared with coming in one’s pants without having to perform.

This New Name, unfortunately, doesn’t cater to the feelings of those who truly tried to perform yet still came in their pants. But there are whole libraries full of psycho-jargon designed to help those poor unfortunates.

The tactic behind the New Name was to make it blatantly obvious to everyone what these disaster-humping pros were up to, but unfortunately, during the MAD-NESS-like aftermath of a MAD-ONNA MAGIC TRICC, no one appears to care.]

1. Coincidence or coincidences.
2. Capricious Occurrence of (great) Magnitude, Mystifying and Influencing Negatively (the process of) Genuine Speculation.
3. Circumstances with Obscure Meaning Misused by Insufferable Nincompoops in a Gambit of Self-advancement.

Note: One COMMINGS, many COMMINGS, as in one sheep, many sheep.

confuzer

[pr. confuse-er]
[origin: The renaming of an otherwise well-known contraption. The New Name was intended to purvey the general reaction that most people express most of the time while sitting behind the computer: totally confuzerized.]

1. Computer, as it was called in ancient times.
2. A gadget or piece of equipment that confuses most people.

confuzerized

[pr. confuse-er-eyes-d]
[origin: Naturally followed the renaming of computer]

1. Computerized.
2. Confused.

confuzing

[pr. as in English: confusing]
[origin: Naturally followed the renaming of computer]

1. Computing.

confuzing-power

[pr. as in English: confusing power]
[origin: Naturally followed the renaming of computer]

1. Computing power.
2. A measure of the ability to confuse.

Note: The more power, the more confusing.

Conkerer

[pr. as in English: conqueror]
[origin: The winner of the browser competition]

1. Number-one browser WOWI, copyright BIG-AM-I.

CRAPP

(see also FLAPP)
[pr. as in English]
[origin: Usually, the first thing someone says when the system goes down; defunct, due to too many possible, incorrect interpretations]

1. Crash of Abnormally Painful Proportions; always a system crash.

CRAPPING

(see also FLAPPING)
[pr.as in English]
[origin: The thing one is usually caught doing, often in one’s pants, when such a system crash incident occurs; defunct, due to only one possible, correct misinterpretation]

1. CRAPP Immediately Neutralizing Giants.
Note: Only a smattering of organizations has been known to survive a major CRAPPING.

CREAM-EMTO-BITS

[pr. cream-em-to-bits]
[origin: The BITS Inspector, from his Bitsi-Theory on the how’s and why’s of BITS-criminals.]

1. Take out the bad guy(s).
2. Crush by Exposure the Abominable Malefactor, Eliminating the Menace to BITS.

CYA

[pr. as in English: c-y-a]
[origin: See CMA.]

1. Cover Your Ass.

Delilah

[pr. as in the Bible]
[origin: The BITS Inspector, from one of his favorite childhood stories–until he understood it better]

1. Combined job title and appointed name of Bitsi’s Chief BITS-SITTER.

DIGI

[pr. dij-ee]
[origin: Carried over from ancient times when IT was still in fashion, before BITS and Gibberish overran the world]

1. Digital.

DIGI-DIRT

[pr. dij-ee-der-t]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Data or information, often revealing and/or incriminating.
2. Digital Dump of Indisputable Records of Transgression.

DIGI-DIRT-CRAWLER

[pr. dij-ee-der-t crawler]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Bitsi’s worm for breaking into anything confuzerized.

DIGI-DIRT-DIGGER

[pr. dij-ee-der-t digger]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Bitsi’s data collector program for scraping up DIGI-DIRT.

DIGI-DIRT-MAPP

[pr. dij-ee-der-t map]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Bitsi’s all-powerful menu-driven program for making life easier when working on the BEAST.

DIGI-DIRT-STORE

[pr. dij-ee-der-t stor]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Bitsi’s database.

DIGI-LOCKER

[pr. dij-ee lock-er]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Digital safe for securing Bitsi’s and Lord-IT’s products and data.

DIGIT-FONE

[pr. dig-it fohn]
[origin: When mobile phones were totally redesigned to incorporate Nuke-Li-Aerial power and the Spacey-Screen technology, they were also renamed.]

1. Mobile phone.

DOLLY, pl. DOLLIES

[pr. as in English]
[origin: A combination of the U.S. term dollar and the UK term lolly, both of which are strongly related to money. More than a hundred and twenty-nine representatives from all over the world were present during the seven-day conference to agree on the conditions for converting to the DOLLY, but when asked, not one of them would own up to having actually suggested this new name.

Twenty years after the DOLLY inauguration, the World Council as good as gave up the idea of finding the culprit and instead launched a worldwide opinion poll about the name. The reactions came in as 50 percent for, 50 percent against, and the conclusion was that the twenty-year-long discussion had been a waste of everyone’s time. This was shrugged off as business-as-usual, and the subject has not been brought up since.]

1. The one-and-only currency WOWI, used everywhere.

dosh

[pr. as in English]
[origin: Ancient British English slang]

1. money, or CASH.

DROSS

[pr. as in English]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Dynamically Recyclable Operating System Supérieur, copyright Lord-IT House.
2. Operating system.
Note: Replaced Windows, Linux, z/OS, iOS, MAC OS, Android, and all other operating systems
3. Waste matter, worthless matter, often expressed as “what a load of old crap.”

dupli-mate

[pr. dupe-li-mate]
[origin: The L’ARCH that introduced this term was obsessed with purity and abhorred all forms of mutations that were avoidable in the first place. One day, in a fit of anger, yet controlled by a cloak of expert political correctness practiced over many years by sucking up to Sissies and BOJ-OBs, he submitted this and one other Gibberish entry as a protest against the lackadaisical approach to building BITS properly.]

1. Duplicate, copy, or replica.
2. To illegally duplicate, copy, or replicate.
3. To make a replica of something and screw with it so badly that the original is no longer recognizable.
4. An abomination.

Note: There are more meanings of this term, but it was considered prudent to wait until the uncensored version of The ABRIGD was ready for publication before releasing the anger of a L’ARCHANGEL upon the world.

dupli-mation

[pr. dupe-li-may-shun]
[origin: See DUPLI-MATE]

1. The result or outcome of dupli-mating.
2. An act or instance of dupli-mating.
3. An abomination.

Exhausting Gibberish

[pr. as in English]
[origin: Gibberish itself]

1. An abbreviation for the publication Exhausting Gibberish, The Dictionary, which holds the formal Gibberish language specification.

FITS

[pr. as in English]
[origin: The WINCCCERS introduced this term in an attempt to convince themselves, their customers and, indeed, the world, that they, and their DOLLIES are safe from bursting bubbles and the resulting consequences, which could range from mass-suicide to a disastrous financial crisis WOWI. General opinion was that this was just another empty promise: All words with very little technology to back it up.]

1. Financial Institution, Technologically Secured, meaning that the WINCCCCER’S BITS will protect against an unstable financial climate evolving, thus securing everyone’s CASH, WOWI.
2. Financial Institution, Theoretically Secure.
3. Frivolous Investors who Thrive on Speculation.

FLAPP

(see also CRAPP)
[pr. as in English]
[origin: Replaced the term CRAPP following numerous embarrassing incidents that occurred as a result of misinterpretations of the original term]

1. Nasty system crash.
Note: see also CRAPP.

FLAPPING

(see also CRAPPING)
[pr. as in English]
[origin: Replaced the term CRAPPING following a never-ending string of incidents related to correct misinterpretations of the original term]

1. Nasty system crash with almost guaranteed financially crippling effect.
Note: see also CRAPPING.

FLICKEM

[pr. flick-em]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Finder for a LICKEM. Simply said, a program for finding and/or tracking wireless devices.

FONE

[pr. fohn]
[origin: See DIGIT-FONE]

1. Short for DIGIT-FONE.

FOOLEM

[pr. fool-em]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Follow, Obscurely, Literally Every Movement.
2. Program for someone tracking and recording anything and everything of interest.

FOOLEMALL

[pr. fool-em-all]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Same as FOOLEM, but with the knock-on effect of following everyone the FOOLEM suspect contacts.

FOOLHIM/FOOLHER

[pr. fool-him/her]
[origin: See FOOLEM]

1. Same as FOOLEM but with some gender implication.

FRONT-END

[pr. as in English]
[origin: Sound software architecture historically required that a system be designed so that the visual part of the system, known then as the front-end, could be built and run separately from the logic-processing part of the system, known as the back-end.

The well-known expression “garbage in, garbage out,” which should have served as a precautionary warning, turned out to be an accurate prediction in most cases, because many back-ends produced loads of crap. The job of the front-end was to make whatever the back-end produced look good.

The Gibberish language expert faced with dealing with this term decided to promote front-end to a formal Gibberish word on the basis that judging a “good front-end” is a highly subjective matter, so it was best left up to the user of the front-end to decide whether the system looked, for example, like a complete balls-up, or appeared as if it was ready to go tits-up at any second, or indeed, just left one wondering if it would ever get it up.]

1. The visible part of a system one sees on the screen.

(The) Fruit

[pr. as in English]
[origin: BIG-AM-I]

1. The latest age-prevention drug, and, it actually appears to work. Formerly known as “The Life Giver,” and “Life Ever-lasting.”

GLOBCHAT

[pr. globb-chat]
[origin: An adaptation of previously known terms]
1. Global online chat session, a feature of the O-WE-COME meeting.

GLOBHED

[pr. globb-head]
[origin: Carried over from the old IT industry with minor adjustments]

1. Global Helpdesk.
Note: Historically one of the most dissatisfying services in the whole of the IT/BITS industry, although they do say that “things are lookin’ up” these days.

2. Global Helpdesk Agent or employee.
Note: This group of professionals is among the first in a list of candidates to be replaced by BITS (AI) solutions should one ever get these to function. Suggestions that, while waiting, monkeys would do a better job with reduced costs were rejected due to a public outcry from animal-rights activists, which reached the primates’ ears, resulting in a dangerous storm of panic that lasted some considerable time.

To be fair, it has been recognized that, it isn’t that GLOBHED agents are particularly dumb, rather that the nature of the work is such that it inspires reactions ranging from sleep-working to temporary manic-oppressive boredom, which most often is expressed by a vehement unwillingness to help anyone, including themselves.

GLUE

[pr. as in English]
[origin: The BITS industry]

1. Generic Language for Uniting Everything.
2. A diabolical architectural approach for integrating two or more systems: “Let’s just stick ’em together.”
3. Most likely the substance being abused while the technicians designed the GLUE.

GODS-AVEUS

[pr. as in English god save us]
[origin: The authors of The ABRIGD]

1. Gibberish Opposition Death Squad Aimed at Vindicating Everyone of Unforgivable Slang.

Note: A secret term that means god save us from Gibberish.

HAH-FLICKEM

[pr. ha-flick-em]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Hand-Held FLICKEM, a small remote-control-like device for using the FLICKEM program.

HANDBAG

[pr. as in English]
[origin: Most probably the 16th century]

1. A feature of the FRONT-END to Bitsi’s mega-powerful search-engine.
Note: This interpretation is relatively recent.

2. A bag mostly used by women for holding (supposedly, usually) smaller items.
Note: Initially, handbags were small and mostly for fashion, but over time they have grown in size exceeding all sensible proportions, the reason being an intended practical feature of having as much as possible close to hand. Rumor has it that someone raised the question of whether it was necessary to have a kitchen sink always close by, but in the interest of an attempted peaceful life, neither the question nor the answer was ever published. The so-called practicality feature is oft-times also doubted on the basis that surely it can only be said that one has something “close to hand” if one can actually find it.

hard-BITS

[pr. as in English]
[origin: Replaced the term hardware since this was increasingly reported as being used as the basis for sexual harassment cases]

1. Hardware, such as a confuzer, spacey-screen, etc.

HPD

[pr. h-p-d]
[origin: Various scientific fields related to, among others, psychology and psychiatry]

1. Honorary Protector of Dollies, the biggest WINCCCER ever WOWI.
Note: This interpretation is relatively recent.
2. Histrionic Personality Disorder.

INARDS

[pr. innards]
[origin: 2021, the day Big Brother was given a public, open invitation]

1. Information Archive Recordings—Data Store, holding recordings of all activity on all business premises WOWI since the year 2021.

JERK

[pr. as in English]
[origin: Carried over from English]

1. Jerry Karmich’l, former BIG-AM-I Sissy.
Note: This interpretation is relatively recent.
2. Jerk.

Jonesy

[pr. johnz-i]
[origin: Lord-IT]

1. Combined job title and appointed name of Lord-IT’s chief of security.

L’ARCH

[pr. larch]
[origin: The BITS industry]

1. The chief architect.

Note: Formerly nicknamed L’ARCHANGEL, until the church intervened.

LASAROMIC

[pr. lass-ah-rom-ick]
[origin: A failed attempt to compete with Nuke-Li-Aerial power]

1. An inferior power source, only used in inferior weaponry.

LEACH

[pr. leech]
[origin: The BITS industry]

1. Lead Enterprise Architect, Constructor of Hi-tech.

LICKEM

[pr. lick-em]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Bitsi’s wireless technology device, built into all confuzers WOWI.

Lord-IT

[pr. lord-it or lord-eye-tee]
[origin: Lord-IT]

1. According to popular opinion, the most powerful businessman known to humankind.

Lord-IT House

[pr. lord-it or lord-eye-tee house]
[origin: Lord-IT]

1. Largest organization WOWI, owned by Lord-IT and Bitsi.

MAD

[pr. as in English]
[origin: The BITS industry. Taken from the expression used to describe the feelings of the owner of the system that went down: “He/she was flaming MAD!”]

1. System down.
2. Major Atomic-like Downtime.
Note: A somewhat fluffy measure of the impact of a serious BITS-system crash.
3. Something to be avoided.
4. Angry, enraged, furious.

MAD-NESS

[pr. as in English]
[origin: The BITS industry. The word used to describe the state of things while the system is down: “Total MAD-NESS reigned in the office.”]

1. System down.
2. Major Atomic-like Downtime—Never Expected Spectacular Shock.
Note: A serious BITS-system crash is usually immediately accompanied by a temporary out-of-control-frenzied-panicked-insanity reaction experienced by those close to the crash site, caused mostly by the fear of being fired.
3. Something to be avoided.

MAD-ONNA MAGIC

[pr. as written. If one has problems with this pronunciation, then try to think like a virgin might do, if you can remember; this apparently often helps.]
[origin: Unknown. The oldest known records of the term are clearly not the original. This term has become almost mythical over the decades because, following sound superstitious practices there’s an unspoken (unwritten) agreement to never put into print or utter the words of this term in any sequence whatsoever to avoid tempting you-know-who. Following on from this, nobody has had the courage to try to uncover who was actually the first person who dared to use the term. The term remains unused mostly, simply to serve as a warning.]

1. BIG System DOWN, Oh No! Not Again!
Note: Neither MAD-ONNA nor ONNA are formal Gibberish words or terms; they haven’t quite made the promotion, yet. But, one assumes there’s still time.
2. Something to be avoided at all cost.

MAGIC

[pr. as in English]
[origin: The BITS industry. A colloquialism in BITS, used often when something in a BITS system happens that nobody understands: “How does it work? Dunno, it’s like MAGIC.”]

1. BIG system, one that no one or very few know how it is designed or works.
2. Monolithic Assemblage of Ginormous Informational Components.
3. Multifarious Assortment of Good-for-nothing, Incomprehensible Crap.
4. Magic.

MAGICIAN

[pr. as in English]
[origin: The BITS industry. An extension of the term MAGIC on the basis that if anyone can conjure up MAGIC, in other words, get it up and keep it up, then surely, they must be a magician.]

1. On-call, on-duty system technician.

MAVACAPA

[pr. ma-va-cap-a]
[origin: The BITS industry. Taken from the expression “pushing up daisies,” because when the usage of a system, or machine, is reaching its maximum available physical capacity, this is a sure sign it’s about the kick the bucket.]

1. Maximum Available Capacity.
Note: Often used in such a statement: “The BITS was pushing up MAVACAPA for three hours, then suddenly it went MAD.”

MOTHER

[pr. as in English]
[origin: Carried over from business life before Gibberish ruled]

1. Mother organization or top parent organization.
Note: Often also used to indicate frustration: “(oh) MOTHER!”
2. Mother.

MOWALL

[pr. moh-wall]
[origin: BIG-AM-I]

1. A soft-BITS program for moving or rearranging the offices walls within the BIG-AM-I buildings.

NETNERD

[pr. net-nurd]
[origin: The BITS industry. Many cartoons influenced the introduction of this term when the computer-freak, often portrayed as the ingeniously clever, four-eyed, pimply, sometimes fat, often tall and lanky or short and scrawny, whining geek is sometimes the hero but more often than not just a pain in the backside.]

1. Network technician.

Nuke-Li-Aerial power

[pr. nyook-li-aerial]
[origin: Lord-IT]

1. Currently the most powerful form of energy known to humankind.

OBOY

[pr. oh-boy]
[origin: The idiot who chose the name of BIG-AM-I’s largest and most important MAGIC BITS (or system)]

1. Online Booking and Ordering, Yes, sir! (implying great system).
Note: General opinion WOWI is that whoever named the OBOY system was tipsy at the time.
2. Oh boy! as in “Oh, my Lord-IT!” or “Oh, my goodness!”

O-WE-COME

[pr. oh-we-cum]
[origin: BIG-AM-I]
1. Online Web Conference and Meeting. Video-conferencing software. Note: Copyright BIG-AM-I.

Note: No one now books a meeting at exactly one o’clock any more due to a play on Gibberish that became infamous many years ago.

OOO-O-WE-COME

[pr. ooh-oh-we-cum]
[origin: Lord-IT]

1. One-On-One O-WE-COME. A hovering or flying confuzer screen or monitor, shaped like a bald head.

Note: Produced by Lord-IT House and Bitsi-Lites the Skies. A version with hair is still on the To-Do list.

peemail

[pr. pee-may-ul]
[origin: This Gibberish was suggested by a rather unsuccessful manager who was hopelessly incapable of getting anyone to either do anything for him or even communicate with him over weemail. The formal approval and subsequent registration of this term occurred long after the manager made a (forced) career change.]

1. Weemail.
2. Pathetic Excuse of Email’s Accountability for all Information (ever) Lost.

Note: The term peemail is often used when making one’s excuses for either not having responded to a weemail or not having done something somebody requested of you by weemail.

PERPS

[pr. purp-s]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Criminal(s)

Note: One PERPS, many PERPS, as in one dumb sheep, many dumb sheep.

pissmail

[pr. piss-may-ul]
[origin: The same useless manager that proposed peemail suggested this new term only minutes before the start of his journey toward a new career. He’s still on the road.]

1. Same as peemail.

Note: This term doesn’t cut it unless spoken in an extremely angry tone with the emphasis on the first syllable.

PRIVATE-LYFE

[pr. as in English private life]
[origin: Millions of people suggested this or similar forms of this term complaining that confuzers were taking over one’s private life and/or ruining the quality of one’s personal life. The entry was accepted as Gibberish even though it was true. Unfortunately, many more millions of idiots who simply cannot understand even the simplest of garbled Gibberish took this as a sign that confuzers were good for one’s private life, and things just went downhill from there.]

1. Personal tablet confuzer.

PUKE

[pr. as in English: “to throw up”; pyook]
[origin: Most BITS-Pros who expect they’re on the verge of having some body part or other sliced off as a means of paying for their sins, but end up only being fired, often have the sudden urge to gag. It’s a form of relief that also reveals a weakness common in those who are only ever exposed to office life.]

1. Person Ultimately Killed in the End.
2. Person to blame and who subsequently pays the price.
3. Mistake.

PUSSIES

[pr. poo-see-s]
[origin: One rather notorious and obnoxious CCIO who became somewhat distressed with the approval of the formal Gibberish entry of the term Sissy immediately retaliated by suggesting this term. The (mandatory) motivation he offered for introducing the term was, “If I’m a Sissy, then my deputies must be, at best, pussies.” Renowned for not being the brightest of the bunch, he failed to notice that he had implicitly accepted the fact that he was, indeed, a sissy and publicly revealed that he was a dimwit to boot. The new Gibberish entry was accepted, the MOTHER axed the Sissy-O, and one of his PUSSIES was transformed into a Sissy.]

1. CCIO deputies.
2. Pushy Undergraduate of Sissy Stratagems—Intensified Education in Shopping.

Note: Shopping and online business are synonymous terms.
Note: One PUSSIES, many PUSSIES, as in they’re all PUSSIES, or, one dumb sheep, gazillions of dumb sheep.

QUA-BITS

[pr. kwa-bits]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Quality of BITS.

RAT RACE

[pr. as in English]
[origin: Stolen from the English, but laying more emphasis on the rats than the race]

1. Underhanded power struggle, often involving illicit actions, between nations or large organizations.
2. Dishonorable or illicit actions to advance one’s career, usually at the cost of a colleague and/or close friend.
3. See an English dictionary for more meanings.

SADCASE

[pr. as in English: sad-case]
[origin: A general misconception and lack of understanding of the database administrator breed, expressed, for example, by, “He/she is very nice, but also rather a sad case.”]

1. Database administrator.

Note: It’s common knowledge that SADCASEs tend to be somewhat grumpy, and unhelpful, and hard to get hold of, even to the point of avoiding joining the guys for a drink in the evening for fear of being confronted with work-related questions they successfully managed to avoid all day. What everyone else fails to recognize is the reason: The typically over-worked SADCASE is constantly bombarded from all quarters, for example, with dumb questions from cocky ANALPRIDCs and screamed help requests from helpless TEST-TICCLERs.

The work of a SADCASE is highly specialized, yet they seem destined to spend most of their lives fixing the cock-ups of non-SADCASEs who think they know better. This is indeed rather a sad case, so, it was considered important to record the trials and tribulations of the SADCASE formally as Gibberish.

Samson

[pr. as in the Bible]
[origin: The BITS Inspector, from one of his favorite childhood stories–until he understood it better]

1. Combined job title and appointed name of Bitsi’s chief of BITS-SECS.

screen-space

[pr. as in English]
[origin: From the era of spacey-screen technology]

1. Software term, historically “window” or “panel” displayed on a spacey-screen.

Seribus

[pr. sse-ri-bus]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. “Serious business”, the name of Bitsi’s favorite space-pad.

SICCO

[pr. sick-oh]
[origin: The BITS industry]

1. Situation Crisis Coordinator. The one person who is supposed to ride the high waves in a sea of panic that swells up when a system goes down.

Sissy

[pr. as in English]
[origin: See the origin of Sissy-O]

1. CCIO.

Sissy-O

[pr. sissy-oh]
[origin: See the origin of CCIO]

1. CCIO.

soft-BITS

[pr. as in English]
[origin: Replaced the term software as this was increasingly reported as being used as the basis for divorce cases]

1. Software, typically running on hard-BITS such as a confuzer.

soup-ah

[pr. soop-ah]
[origin: Taken from the supposedly elegant way of pronouncing “super”]

1. Super.
2. Something powerful, strong, or amazing, something super indeed, that’s often horribly abused such that the result lands one in the soup, ah!

space-pad

[pr. as in English]
[origin: From the era of spacey-screen technology]

1. Keyboard.

Note: Made from (downsized) spacey-screen technology.

spacey-screen

[pr. as in English]
[origin: From the era of spacey-screen technology]

1. Computer touch-screen, usually huge and transparent and can be viewed and operated from both sides.

sspace pl. sspaces

[pr. as in English s-space]
[origin: From the era of spacey-screen technology]

1. Abbreviation for screen-space.

stupid-ITy

1. Incredibly elevated level of stupidity.
[pr. as in English: stupidity, often loudly]
[origin: Humankind]
2. Stupid IT, referring to broken stuff in IT, which there appears to be quite a lot of.
[pr. stupid-eye-tea, often loudly]
[origin: The BITS industry]
3. A combination of 1 and 2.
[pr. stupid-DITTY! or STUPID-IT! and always with an extremely loud voice]
[origin: Someone in BITS. Remember the age-old excuse “human error,” and try to imagine what this might mean, then maybe you’ll be roughly in the right direction.]

TAN-Number

[pr. as in English]
[origin: The WINCCCERs]
1. Transaction Assurance No-Credit-Card Number.

Note: Used to be called CVV/CSC/CVD, etc. A three-digit number on the back of a (no-)credit card.

TEST-TICCLER

[pr. test-tickl-er]
[origin: The BITS industry. Arose from claims that testers only ever tickle the systems they’re supposed to test thoroughly.]

1. System tester.
2. Tester of Expert Systems Theoretically, Technologically Incapable, Certifiable Confuzer Logic Examiner, Retrospectively.

NOTE: The unfortunate choice of the word “certifiable” is a result of a Gibberish shortcoming on the part of the one who designed this New Name. No one saw fit to correct this.

TIMLI

[pr. tim-lee]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Timeline, a confuzerized chronological record of selected events throughout a period in a given person’s life.

Note: The events are selected by specifying a number of criteria, e.g., within the office within the past three years.

TRICC

[pr. trick]
[origin: An esteemed BITS-Pro one day opened a highly controversial discussion by stating that the chance of achieving anything major within the BITS industry that we will experience within our own lifetimes is extremely slim because the level of bureaucracy coupled with the vast and varying opinions involved in producing anything in BITS is simply counterproductive and renders decision-making impossible. Tens-of-thousands threw themselves headlong into the discussion, which lasted for more than twelve years with absolutely no outcome.

Finally, the esteemed BITS-Pro closed the rowdy, verging-on-violent verbal battle claiming he had been indisputably proven correct and suggesting that when anything useful actually does happen in the BITS industry, then this is most likely the result of a coincidence, or just a magic trick. Given that COMMINGS already described Gibberish coincidences, he proposed just this one new entry.]

1. Happening.
2. Event.
3. Achievement.
4. Transition or Realization of Improbable Coincidental Chance.
5. Totally, Ridiculously, Insanely, Confusing Conclusion.

TRIPSI Bitsi

[pr. as in English trip-see bit-see]
[origin: Following a spectacular world-saving action by Bitsi, a Let’s-Face-It group was formed to discuss “What the Bitsi-blazes just happened?” Five hundred believe they calculated correctly that Bitsi was capable of processing trillions of (machine) instructions per second (TRIPS).]

1. A rather ridiculous nickname for The BITS Inspector, nevertheless one he has trouble shaking off.

TROUBLE

[pr. as in English]
[origin: TROUBLE arose as a means to retain, in one way or another, many of the much-loved expressions of old, such as: “If it’s not broken, don’t fix it,” and “No change is a good change,” etc.]

1. Detailed description of technical changes (to software).
2. Technical Revisions, Obvious and Unnoticeable, Back-dated List of Entries.

Note: These are changes to the software, the design, and the program code, as opposed to the installation or configuration of the running system.

TRUTHH

[pr. as in English truth, with the emphasis on the thh. The best effect is achieved by hissing through the teeth]
[origin: The BITS Inspector, from his Bitsi-Theory on the how’s and why’s of BITS-criminals]

1. Criminal.
2. Technological Reprobate, Unconscionable Thick-Headed Hoodlum.

TWIT

[pr. as in English: twit]
[origin: Yet another attempt to identify who is who, and where do they come from, and what do they want, and can they get it?]

1. Unique identifier WOWI.
2. Transcending Worldwide Identifiers and Tokens.

Note: A TWIT is a universally unique identifier thus safely usable WOWI although by itself it cannot be used for anything.

Note: Whoever or whatever is ever assigned a TWIT will only ever be assigned that one TWIT, so, in other words marked for life as that kind of TWIT, although by itself, a TWIT is never assigned to anyone or anything.

Note: It’s potentially important to mention that some older documents and publications that used the original term “TIT” may still exist. These have been recalled, so should you happen to come across one, then please be so kind as to hand it in. The original term was renamed to “TWIT” following an article in the infamous BITS GON BALLISTIC magazine that was smothered in TITs from top to bottom, and was not received particularly well. In fact, the publication caused a WWOOPSI-NET riot organized jointly by female-rights activists and big guys with boobs, and old guys with boobs, and just about anybody with a boob.
The lesson learned from this experience was that any old twit can come up with a Gibberish term like TIT, but you have to be a complete tit to actually approve and publish it. The Gibberish approval procedure was improved (slightly) to avoid such issues: An automatic search for the occurrence of the consecutive letters T I T was added to the process.

TWIT-OVA-PERSON

[pr. twit-of-a-person]
[origin: See TWIT]
1. Person-identifier, replaced all forms of social security or national insurance numbers WOWI.

Note: The TWIT-OVA-PERSON is built up of a TWIT and the binary transformation of some other data characteristics of the person into a further unique addition to the TWIT, forming an even more universally unique identifier than the TWIT himself/herself. In other words, really, really unique.

TWIT-OVA-USER

[pr. twit-of-a-user]
[origin: See TWIT]
1. Digital user-identifier, for logging into software systems.

Note: The TWIT-OVA-USER is built up of a TWIT-OVA-PERSON and the binary transformation of some other data characteristics of the user into a further unique addition to the TWIT-OVA-PERSON, forming an even more universally unique identifier than the TWIT-OVA-PERSON himself/herself. In other words, unequivocally unique universally, or, one helluva TWIT of a user.

Note: One could argue, and one did indeed argue, “What are all these TWITs needed for?” One CCIO dared to formulate the answer to this question, shortly before he was canned: “We make our CASH from all these TWITs, you idiot.”

UCCRE

(suffix)
pr. as in the sweet-sounding French word sucre: u-kre
origin: The BITS industry

1. Unprofessional Conniving Contemptible Rat Excretion.

NOTE: Formally accepted, politically correct, if not extremely harsh Gibberish insult to hurl at someone to accuse them of any number of many potential sins without being too specific about which ones.

weemail

[pr. wee-male]
[origin: The BITS industry]
1. Wonderfully Enhanced Email.

Note: Still the most commonly used form of formal communication, although considerably more advanced than its ancestor Email.

(the) WHHEEL

[pr. as in English wheel]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. The World of Humankind’s Hateful Egocentric Evil Learning about The World of Humankind’s… A vicious cycle that so many people are stuck in.

wikids

[pr. wick-idd-s]
[origin: The BITS Inspector]

1. Wife and kids.

WINCCCER

[pr. wink-er]
[origin: A simple acronym formed from the new name for banks; see 3 below.]

1. Bank.
2. Banker.
3. Worldwide Institute of No Collateral or Contractual Credit Establishments, Regardless!

WOWI

[pr. wow-wee]
[origin: Many people that found it laughable that the larger organizations felt the need to constantly pound their chests because they’re worldwide organizations, as if that were something special. Yes, they are large companies, but thanks to the wwoopsi-net most businesses have operated worldwide for decades. Even my wife has shopped in China on a weekly basis for more than a hundred years. And so what?]

1. Worldwide.
2. Wow-wee.
3. “And so what?” or “big deal.”

wwoopsi-net

[pr. woops-i-net]
[origin: A classic Gibberish example of combining multiple words: worldwide, internet, whoopee, and oops. The internet is so vast and contains so much information that it’s like looking for a needle in a haystack, leaving one often unable to find what one needs, or, when one does actually find what one is looking for, and try to get done whatever it is one needs to do, then often it takes two or three or four attempts to get it right with a ton of “oops” and other such exclamations uttered in the process.

On the other hand, the internet is so vast and contains so much information that you can always find everything you need, whoopee! This paradox brings the internet into the same category as many other such frustrating or annoying necessities of life: Can’t live with it, can’t live without it. Things have improved considerably over the decades, of course, especially with the introduction of the soup-ah-advanced search engine with integrated cookie-crawler that gleans all information about your personal preferences (and life) and uses this to finetune your wwoopsi-net searches.

A recently uncovered downside of this search technique, however, is that after a while, the responses coming back from searches are annoyingly similar, even to the point of being predictable, and leaving you with the constant sneaky feeling that you’re being sold to. This is because the search engine uses all your swiped personal info to try to answer the question you should have asked, not the one you originally asked. The only known solution for this bug to date is, when searching the NET, pretend to be someone else.]

1. Internet.

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